Trump Moving To Rename The Great Lakes

Breaking News reported by Niagara At Large reporter/publisher Doug Draper

Posted April 1^st, 2025 on Niagara At Large

Seen here early this past February, the recently re-elected and sworn in President Trump signed an executive order changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the ‘Gulf of America

In his first days as U.S. president, Donald Trump signed an executive order to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America.

Now, according to sources close to The White House, Trump is planning to sign another executive order – this time to rename the Great Lakes and adjoining waters shared by his country and a Canada he prefers to call “the 51^st state.”

While reporters in Washington are scrambling to find out when the signing of this  executive  order for the Great Lakes will occur, what they do know is that Trump plans to rename Lake Superior “Lake Elon Musk” to recognize the superior role that multi-billionaire plays in his administration.

The shapely Lake Huron will be renamed Lake Melania after his wife and First Lady, and Georgian Bay, an arm of Lake Huron, will be renamed “Big Balls Bay” after a 19 year old  Musk has employed to head up a team of young computer nerds to take a chain saw to everything in Trum’s America from the department of education and Centre for Disease Control to food inspection and social security and medicare services in the federal government.

Trump apparently views the Great Lakes and their waters has his, to do whatever he wants with.

As for the lower Great Lakes, Lake Erie will be renamed ‘Lake Eric’ in what may be a futile effort to bolster the esteem of one of his sons who has been pilloried by many critics as the most intellectually challenged members of his family,, and Lake Ontario will be renamed “Lake Ivanka” after the daughter he once told a radio host he would date if she was not the fruit of his own loins.

The Niagara River, the world-famous connecting channel running between the two lower lakes, will be renamed “The Maga River” and the Great Falls of Niagara will be renamed the “America First Cataracts.” The executive order will also make it mandatory that the waters rushing over the Falls be illuminated every night in red, white and blue with an image of his face on them for millions of tourists to see.

Something about the shape of Lake Michigan appealed to Trump, according to sources, so he has decided to rename it after himself.

Last but not least, Trump has decided to rename Lake Michigan after himself because there is something about the shape of that lake and  its size that appeals to him. “I want the world to know that it is not shaped like a mushroom,” he reportedly told members of his inner cabinet.

This is all apparently scheduled to go into effect this coming July 4^th on the first American Independence Day Trump hopes will be celebrated by Americans and, if all goes as planned, a fully annexed population of Canadians alike.

That is all we know about this April Fool’s Day plan for now, but just remember that you learned about it first on Niagara At Large, your best  source for independent news and commentary across the  Niagara region and beyond.

• In the meantime, Happy April Fool’s Day. Doug Draper, Niagara At Large

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