Looking for a COVID Cure? Try Swallowing a Flashlight and Washing It Down with some Windex or Lysol

The Self-Described “Stable Genius” (aka Snake Oil Salesman) in the White House says it might just be the miracle cure we’re all waiting for

A Commentary by Niagara At Large reporter and publisher           Doug Draper

Posted April 24th, 2020 on Niagara At Large

I want start with a little apology to all of you Niagara At Large readers out there.

I was going to post this commentary earlier but I got up feeling a little bit dizzy and feverish this morning. And no, it’s not what you might think. It isn’t COVID-19 – the dreaded Coronavirus.

As soon as I stopped seeing double and felt strong enough this morning to get up and phone my doctor – you may have heard of him, Hugo Z. Hackenbush – he told me that the symptoms were probably caused by my swallowing a pen light and washing it down with a couple of glasses of Lysol before I went to bed last night.

I feel kind of stupid admitting this, but I decided to do that on a leap of faith after watching Donald Trump do his daily White House briefing this April 23rd and shocking the world with news of a possible breakthrough cure for this horrific pandemic we are suffering through.

Reminding us how “very smart” he is, Trump went on to announce to the world that he has reason to believe that a combination of putting some “light inside the body,” along with injecting or ingesting “disinfectant” may be the ticket that “knocks (the Coronavirus) out in a minute.”

I’m usually at least a little reluctant to take the Donald seriously, but let’s face, we’ve all been praying for news of a cure, so I went right for my closet full of household disinfectants – Windex, Vim, Mr. Clean, and I finally settled on a bottle of Lysol with a nice lemon scent. I thought the lemon-scented solution might mix well in a cocktail.

Wow, it looks like Dr. Trump tried some of his own medicine!

And let’s face, Trump sure sounded convincing when he was talking about this during his briefing, didn’t he? At least I and more than half the populations of Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida believed him.

Just click on the screen below and watch –

Indeed, Trump sounded so convincing that just like there was a raid on toilet paper a month ago, Trumpies in the states where the stable genius is most popular, formed lines around grocery stores and by early this morning the shelves in the aisles where they sell household cleaning agents were almost empty

Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t until I woke up the following morning and stopped seeing double that I read the following statement issued overnight by the makers of Lysol –

Let’s face it, it sure doesn’t say much for humans as a species that someone actually has to come out with a statement like this. It just about blows the bottom out of Darwin’s theory of evolution, doesn’t it? Maybe those evangelicals are right not to want their kids taught anything about Darwin in school

Like Trump always said, his supporters would go on following him if he shot someone in broad daylight on Fifth Avenue

But getting back to that warning from the Lysol maker for a moment, what a sad comment it is on humans as a species. I have been living with cats all of my adult life, and not one of them would be stupid enough to ingest anything into their bodies that smelled the least bit off, even if I were a plate of sirloin or salmon. They don’t need some reality TV con man like Trump or a statement from a manufacturer of cleaning agents to tell them what they should or shouldn’t put in their bodies.

So I’ve learned my lesson and from now on, if I need medical advice, I am going straight to my doctor, Hugo Z Hakenbush, who has at least as much horse sense when it comes to deciding what to subscribe a patient as Trump.

For those of you who may not know Dr. Hakenbush (aka Groucho Marx), click on the screen below for a little sample (from a classic old Marx Brothers movie called “A Day at the Races”) of him in action –

Oh and by the way, before I end this post, this was just my little stab at satire. I am sorry I feel that I have to say that, but it has become quite a mad world out there and, as we have seen, some people will believe almost anything, which was the con man’s flight path to the Oval Office.

A warning label typically found on commercially sold disinfectants and cleaning agents. There are those who don’t read these warnings, I guess, and some don’t read at all.

It’s also a tragic comment on the human condition today that I have to end with a disclaimer like this, but if a chemical company feels it is necessary to come out with a statement warning people not to swallow products with potentially lethal industrial agents in them, I am afraid I can’t take any chances.

So please heed the statement from the Lysol people and don’t ingest any of the cleaning agents in your cupboards or closets.

Let’s wish God’s speed to the real experts who are working on a vaccine.

NIAGARA AT LARGE encourages you to join the conversation by sharing your views on this post in the space following the Bernie Sanders quote below.

 “A Politician Thinks Of The Next Election. A Leader Thinks Of The Next Generation.” – Bernie Sanders


5 responses to “Looking for a COVID Cure? Try Swallowing a Flashlight and Washing It Down with some Windex or Lysol

  1. Gary Screaton Page

    The adolescent fool in the White House falls all over himself once again. He is losing it! First, he asks the scientist if light (ultraviolet light I assume) and/or heat inside the body is being tried. Then asks whether studying the effects of disinfectant would be worthwhile. He didn’t ask this of reporters, as he later stated he did, and he did so facesiously, as a “test” of the reports of “fake news.”
    Clearly, he lied! In fact, he asked this of the scientists to his right. Indeed, both of them were queried by him, one clearly uncomfortable, even embarrassed by Trump’s dull-wittedness. Even my 7-year-old granddaughter knows that disinfectants and bleach are poisonous! Duh!
    Unfortunately, I bet that at least one of Trump’s base will try one or the other method simply because he suggests it’s worth testing.
    Remember, this same genius (so he claims) also has been promoting Hydroxychloroquine, an anti-malarial drug, as a worthy candidate for testing as a coronavirus cure as well. Yet, some testing of this drug has suggested it might be lethal when applied to Covid-19! Makes me wonder whether the more than 90 million doses the States bought might be somehow lining the pockets of one or more members of the Trump family. After all, he has still not revealed his investments and he is not above making money on the side from the Presidency: to wit, the use of his golf clubs and hotels for government business.
    Besides, the flashlight and Lysol don’t work! NOT!


  2. Linda McKellar

    Gary Screaton Page – He lost it LONG ago. What has he said that has been reliable or honest for three L O O O N G years? All he does is lie, insult and scream fake news when he does something stupid. Does he not realize such a thing as video exists? Why don’t the people demand the 25th amendment be utilized? This man is not only incapable but dangerous. Of course the Senate and stacked Supreme Court will refuse to remove the fool as long as he gets their agenda enacted.

    A light CAN be inserted into the body. It’s called a colonoscopy. The problem with Trump is they could never get past the blockage in his butt …. if you know what I mean. The blockage is so severe that it has reached his oral sphincter.

    He also promoted hydroxychloroquine, not only as a cure but even as a prophylactic, which two of his followers decided to take. The husband died and the wife was severely ill. That drug can cause fatal cardiac arrhythmias when taken by a HEALTHY person let alone a sick one. Then he said “It’s worth a try. I’m not a doctor”. Well then SHUT UP.

    Drinking Lysol or bleach will burn the esophagus beyond repair and kill you and even if doesn’t do so immediately, the toxins will destroy your liver and kidneys and kill you later. Taking such substance by injection will do the same. It is a good way to commit suicide.

    When the federal government stockpiled supplies and states had to bid against each other to get them, who makes the profit? I remember Trump having a phantom bidder bid for a portrait of himself (of course), which his bidder won. The funds he used were from a Trump “charity” organization. As a result he can no longer have any connection with a charity in NYS by court order. He was likely the phantom bidder for the PPE’s pushing up the prices. Now he will sell at a profit. It’s not about lives, only money. He has blood on his hands, the blood of Covid 19 sufferers and doctors and nurses who have died due to insufficient equipment. He should be tried for crimes against humanity. He said he is a “war President” (to make him look tough to his followers), then try him for war crimes. Try him for SOMETHING!

    He doesn’t care how many die as long as he can milk money out of a scheme. When he sees what is a disaster for others, he sees a scam for profit. He is EVIL!

    Listen to Trump all you sycophants. Darwin wins. The herd will be culled.


  3. So you are being “sarcastic” just like Trump.

    A quick reply from Doug Draper – I would like to call what I was at least trying to be “satirical.” I think there is a difference, and I am not sure Trump knows what satire is or is capable of telling the difference between satire and reality.


  4. Brigitte Bonner

    I think Trump should try it and see if it works.


  5. cath ens-hurwood

    When I first heard about the bleach/disinfectant thing from Trump – I wanted to apologize to the lady who I saw several weeks ago with 3 gallons of bleach in her shopping cart – I thought she was crazy, but she was obviously onto something AND to all the others who hoard-buy the bleach ….I guess they were right. (sarcasm, eye-roll). Another thought came to mind – when we were children we watched a show called Captain Andy – who reminded us never to hit each other on the head with hammers and that the 3 Stooges were just play acting and we were not to try to do those things. How sad is it that society today has to be reminded not to drink bleach or other disinfectants ….even though the President of the US thought it might be a good thing to look into. Sigh


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